ACT: De moppentrommel.
ik snap m niet?
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Ad van Haperen
- Berichten: 5838
- Lid geworden op: za 2 feb 2002 0:00
- Locatie: Etten-Leur
- Contacteer:
jij hebt al geen sterretje meer bij jou is alles al uitgescheurd?
zet dan 'zijn' ipv 'dat' neer....
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Jean-Paul-S
- Über-Spammer
- Berichten: 8858
- Lid geworden op: zo 6 nov 2005 18:28
- Locatie: Landgraaf
Even zonder dollen , bij ons om de hoek op nr.3 woont een Marrokkaan. Die heeft - gekleed in zijn kaftan - zichzelf vanmiddag met benzine overgoten en in brand gestoken, roepend : "Allah is groot".
Hij is laat in de middag in het ziekenhuis overleden.
Zo zielig !!!!!!!
We zijn als buurtbewoners nu aan het rondgaan voor een bijdrage voor zijn familie.
We hebben inmiddels al weer 26 liter opgehaald.
Hij is laat in de middag in het ziekenhuis overleden.
Zo zielig !!!!!!!
We zijn als buurtbewoners nu aan het rondgaan voor een bijdrage voor zijn familie.
We hebben inmiddels al weer 26 liter opgehaald.
Een kerel komt met 2 blauwe ogen op z'n werk. Z'n collega vraagt: Hoe komt dat zo joh? Ja je kent het wel he, m'n vrouw heeft me geslagen met een zak diepvriespatat...
Oh, maar waarom dan?
Nou, ze stond voorovergebukt bij de vriezer en toen kon ik me niet meer inhouden, rok omhoog, string opzij en de rest snap je wel!
Zo, zo, vindt ze dat niet fijn dan?
Jawel, maar niet bij de Aldi!!
Oh, maar waarom dan?
Nou, ze stond voorovergebukt bij de vriezer en toen kon ik me niet meer inhouden, rok omhoog, string opzij en de rest snap je wel!
Zo, zo, vindt ze dat niet fijn dan?
Jawel, maar niet bij de Aldi!!
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York.
The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer
persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
"Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn."
She asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references ... no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.
The blonde thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer
persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
"Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn."
She asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references ... no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.
The blonde thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
Ik stond laats geparkeerd op een invalide parkeerplaats.
Komt er zo'n oud mank pokkewijf aanlopen en die bitch vraagt mij wat ik mankeer waardoor ik daar mag parkeren. Köt!
Ik zeg Syndroom van Gilles de la Tourette vies vuil teringwijf!!
Komt er zo'n oud mank pokkewijf aanlopen en die bitch vraagt mij wat ik mankeer waardoor ik daar mag parkeren. Köt!
Ik zeg Syndroom van Gilles de la Tourette vies vuil teringwijf!!
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and
says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't
believe you," says Dolly. "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
13. I went to a seafood disco last week ...and pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A f s h.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says," Dam!"
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good). A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and
says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't
believe you," says Dolly. "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
13. I went to a seafood disco last week ...and pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A f s h.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says," Dam!"
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good). A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
En nóg moet je lachen ... 
wegens omstandigheden heeft de gemeente rotterdam aangekondigd het netnummer te gaan veranderen, in plaats van 010 word het nu 10-0 
mijn excuses voor de feyenoord fanaten
mijn excuses voor de feyenoord fanaten
Deze kreeg ik net binnen:
Wat is de beste verbrandingsmotor ?
Een vagina: hij is met 1 vinger te starten, ververst 1x per maand zelf zijn olie, past elke maat zuiger in en als hij eenmaal loopt is hij niet meer te stoppen. Alleen is het motormanagement niet altijd te volgen...
Wat is de beste verbrandingsmotor ?
Een vagina: hij is met 1 vinger te starten, ververst 1x per maand zelf zijn olie, past elke maat zuiger in en als hij eenmaal loopt is hij niet meer te stoppen. Alleen is het motormanagement niet altijd te volgen...